Tag: dad death

COPING WITH THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE (MEETING 2)

Posted on by simonscholes in Blog

MEETING 2

So, it’s that time of the week when I’m heading onto my 2nd session with the wonderful team over at Cruse Bereavement.

So, firstly, for those of you who’re new here, my dad passed away on June 13th last year, and although I mentally understand I need to move on with life, my mind, and my body know subconsciously I’ve not yet dealt with the grief process and keeps slowing me down.  So at the end of last year, I decided now was the time to speak with someone, and try and find some coping mechanisms and hopefully find a way through to the other side of the grief.  My biggest issue and worry about my grief is that I’m struggling to let go emotionally, when I want to cry, I switch off and move on, and that’s my mental coping mechanism, but, I honestly believe I need to truly have a big release, and so we’re trying to find a way of helping that happen.

So this time it was another opportunity for me and my grief counselor to sit down and discuss in more depth about the previous week.  Things that might be playing on my mind more and more after dads passing, and most importantly, the relationship I had with dad.

I know many people don’t get to have much of a relationship with their fathers, so I consider myself incredibly lucky.  Dad worked in the merchant navy and was away a huge part of my life.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m sad he missed out a huge amount of my life, but, also, he gave me an opportunity to see so much more of the world.  I traveled with him when I was younger and he gave me and the rest of my family amazing experiences.

This was where I feel I will be able to move on more than anything with my grief.  One of the ideas my counselor came up with for me was to write down about things that are going through my head.  So for example, when my mind is going into a bit of a funk and I find myself slowing down mentally, take a moment to write down whats going through my mind.  It might not be about dad at that moment in time, but at least I’m getting that problem down on paper, and out of my head.

The 2nd thing I mentioned in my previous blog was a memory jar.  I’ve really latched onto this idea, but, I wanted to try and make it my own.  The reason being is that, as a creative person, and running my own creative agency, I have so much more than just a one-line experience running through my mind when I remember something.

DEAR DAD…..

So I sat down and discussed my own personal idea, and I want you guys to also be part of this.  I’m going to make time to write letters to dad.  My own personal dear dad, just writing to him about a specific memory that’s in my mind at that moment.  So rather than just writing on a slip of paper, I remember when we went to Russia and slipping it into a jar, I can write dad a whole letter, and write creatively about the experience, the smells, the sounds, the sights, and what it meant to me that he was able to give me that experience.  Sometimes the letters will be longer when it’s about big experiences, other times it’ll be about cuddling up with him on the sofa when I was about 5 or 6 years old and watching grandstand on a Saturday afternoon, before as all kids do, I got bored and went to play outside, but those little things are what I want to latch on to, they’re my memories of dad, and I feel they’ll help move me forward in this process.

So, yet again, thank you for listening to my ramblings, and keep your eyes peeled for my first Dear Dad letter which I’ll post on my blog once I’m happy with what I’ve written.

I hope this has helped someone, anyone, in their journey of grief, and if I could suggest anything is everyone’s journey is different, so once you’re ready and in a place to do so, sit down with someone and talk to them, you’ll be amazed what comes out, and what possibly could be other worries you have that are connected to the situation you’re currently in.

So, until my next counseling meeting, take care.

IT’S NOT FEELING LIKE CHRISTMAS

Posted on by simonscholes in Blog

WOW, not written one of these in a long time. I must apologise that the below blog was literally me just typing and seeing what came out.  I just wanted to start documenting a journey I’m about to begin, and this is my way of doing it.

So, we’re into the festive season once again.

Even at 40 years old, I have always loved this time of year.  I may well be an adult, but, I’m a child at heart, I love all those things kids love, the magic, the colours, the smells, the food, and most importantly, the time with family and friends.

Obviously, I know that, that’s not what the holiday season is all about for those people who enjoy the religious aspect, however, for me this is it.

So why, do I this year find myself struggling to get into the festive spirit.

Well, as some of you will already know, earlier this year I lost my dad.  Now, I know I’m not the first person in the world to lose someone, and I know I won’t be the last.  In fact the only 2 things we can be sure of in life is that we’ll pay taxes, and that we’ll die one day.  This however, doesn’t make it any easier.

Christmas with Mum & Dad

I’ve been exceptionally lucky I have the most wonderful friends and family around me, who are happy to just sit and listen to me going on about how great my dad was, how lucky I was to have him around for 40 years of my life.  Especially when I have so many friends who lost their dads at a much younger age than me.

This is kind of why I wanted to write this blog, firstly to get my own feelings out on paper.  I’ll be honest, I’m struggling with the death of my dad, and I’ve started the proceedings to get some professional grief counselling in early 2018 (it’s quite a long waiting list, but, that’s another story).

I currently find myself sitting with a huge aching in my heart, but a blockage in my feelings.  Something that is frankly stopping me getting through the grief process.  I don’t know what it is, but, I do know it’s affecting my work, and my mindset, which is why I’ve taken the step to get help.

I just wanted anyone else who’s in the same position as me, or going through something much worse than losing a loved parent, know, you’re not alone, you do have people around you who’ll listen, and, if you don’t want to lay your problems at their door, there are others who’ll sit down and hear you….without judgement…..without malice, but, with love, and open arms.

I’ve not even started the process yet, but, I can tell you right now, I already feel I’m on the road to recovery by just getting in touch with them. As I write this, I think I’m going to write a blog after each session I have with the counsellor, just to let you know how the process works, because, that’s the one thing that scared me at first, I didn’t know what to expect, I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT, but, not everyone can take that first step, so maybe my blogs will help you.

Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings, and that’s basically what they are, and I look forward to you joining me on my journey.

I don’t for one second believe it’s going to be easy, not in anyway shape or form, but, I hope it will help me push forward, and continue to live life and make dad proud of me, as much as I am proud of him and how much he sacrificed, and gave me and my family over the years.