So, on Friday I said goodbye to my dad who suddenly passed away on Tuesday 13th June, 2017. The day I found out, I found great solace in writing his eulogy, and although it was without the hardest thing I’ve ever, EVER, had to do in my entire life, apart from a couple of large wobbles, I made it through it, and hopefully did dad super proud.
I’d like to share what I had to say with anyone who chooses to read this blog, as I want everyone to know exactly how awesome my dad was, and although it’s only a short sample, how much he gave to me and my entire family, just by being him. A friend of mine put dad very well when we spoke about him passing away, and his words where “I always liked your dad, what you saw, is what you got”. I think he got him smack bang on, he didn’t hide behind any false pretences, and was never afraid to tell me, he loved me. Anyway, please have a read, and I hope it perhaps helps anyone else who might be going through this same pain right now.
DAD,
Athletic…….svelte…………good hair……….great legs…………..
Just a few words I’d love to use to describe dad….. I’d love to use them,
but, I can’t,
they do describe me though, and, his genetics played a part……well apart from great legs. Mum always used to say i got my legs from dad, and she always liked them.
Cross word fanatical, cantankerous, stubborn, funny, intelligent (he was usually quite good at the quizzes at the Swan), Bacardi loving, my friend, spirited away far to young at just 69 and before he had enough fun.
He was husband to mum, and mine and nene’s dad.
Those are words we can use for him.
He was brother to Heather, and son to, Marjory and Henry, grandma and grandad.
And, believe it or not, back in the day he was quite a sporty lad, playing football, and I’ve even got a black and white photo of him lining up for a school sports day athletics race, at Costello, back when it was a cinder track and he was about 13.
He had a hugely eclectic taste in music. With a love of everything from the Moody Blues, The Beatles through to musical theatre like Phantom Of The Opera which he finally got to see on Broadway a few years ago.
In fact he gave me a love of music of all genres, which was probably to blame for me ending up working in radio for such a long time,
and,
as we all leave later…….there’s a piece of music that will play……that not only did he love, but, I’ve luckily found a version that includes so many of his favourite musicians, Paul McCartney, Eric Clapton, Jeff Lyne, and, so many others, from when they said goodbye to their friend George harrison, and I think it’s perfect for us to say goodbye to our friend today too.
He taught me about the wonders of Meccano, Lego, electronics and airfix kits…….. although when it came to building stuff, he’d usually take over so it was done right……..but, we did have quite a few planes hanging from my bedroom ceiling we’d built together.
He read me stories in bed as a kid, then would finish them off by rubbing his bristly chin over my face to make me laugh. So much so, that I would get upset when he forgot to do it after reading.
And,
he gave mum, Jannene and I the greatest gift of all, an opportunity to see parts, and, cultures of the world other people only dream of seeing. India, Petra, New Zealand, Australia, USSR, America, Equador, the Suez & Panama Canal and even Perth in Scotland…..yes indeed.
He started his career as an apprentice on the docks of Hull, working over the years with the likes of Port Line and Cunard. When he met mum he was already at sea, but, she gave him a new drive (more commonly known as a kick up the back side), and he went on to eventually get his chiefs ticket, which is what he did until he retired just a few years ago working for Unishipping.
As I grew older, he told me how being away for such long periods of time from us was hard for him. It’s probably one of the main reasons that when we could go with him, either for a few days, weeks, or, for a whole trip, he’d have us there.
I still have fond memories of my first ever trip away with him. Mum and I went away for four months.
I may have been only 5 years old at the time, but, even now….. at 40, those memories are still as vivid as if they happened yesterday…….From me being arrested by Neptune…… (Dad dressed up, but I’m not meant to know that)…….for throwing messages in bottles and hitting the poor fishes on their heads with them……….to watching school children march up and down in Novorossiysk for hours on end, guarding the eternal flame.
I always loved going away with dad……..it meant a bit of me and him time, in, for want of a better wording, his natural surroundings.
He’d take great pride in showing me around the different engine rooms on different ships, and even once, I got my very own boiler suit, and spent most of our trip down there with him.
I’m still not particularly great at fiddling with engines, but, I did inherit his love of steam engines, and I’ll make sure this year to visit another steam rally to remember him by.
Other times in his life……..I remember how proud he was to have my sister on his arm for her wedding to my brother in law,
walking her down the aisle and giving her away.
There’s a photo just as you’re getting out the car and the smile on his face is something else, and, I know how happy I was that he was with me on my wedding day to Zuzana.
He loved being a grandad………and it’s with a breaking in my heart he won’t be around to meet any more grand children that may come along…………MAY…………..don’t get too excited just yet mum.
But, I know how happy and proud he would have been to be their grandad too, and in spirit he still will be
I think through all of this, the one thing I can take solace in, is, I spoke to him the day he passed away, and although we didn’t have an exactly riveting conversation……….I was telling him about my new drone and work and stuff, and in his usual excited way he said “ah, very good”………Just before I said goodbye, I did tell him I loved him, as I always did when we either spoke, or where together, and he told me he loved me too.
Hopefully you all have a fond memory of him from sometime or another you can use to remember him by.
A moment at Springhead, where, when he was home, he came and supported me, and could even be found raking a long jump pit now and again at a competition.
A time from the swan and cygnet where he went to be surrounded by friends a couple of times a week.
A trip you had with him where you sat putting the world to rights over a Bacardi and coke.
Simply a family and friends bbq sat out in the rain with a tarpaulin covering the fire so it didn’t go out while he cooked the sausages and burgers.
Or as my best friend reminded me, when he couldn’t find anywhere to hammer a catherine wheel on bonfire night, so found some wood in the garage, hammered it in, set it off, only for it to not only burn the wood which we found was one of mums kitchen cabinet doors, but, also it flew off the door and smashed the bird bath mum had made at pottery class.
To be slightly self indulgent here, if I can give you all one learning from this whole thing, it’s this……..Tell the people who mean the most to you, you love them every time you’re with them.
Capture memories galore, photos…….videos……..everything you can.
Thankfully I caught dad many times in my daily vlogs, and, those moments are all the more special to me now, as I can use them to be still in that moment………..and be with him.
Just one last thing,
I know he passed on his sense of humour on to me, not least of all because we both love Billy Connolly, Jasper Carrott, The goon show and Monty Python amongst many others. So much so, I’d love to play you some excerpts from his favourite pieces, and you can have a laugh with dad.
click here to play.
I want to leave you with one last funny line from Spike Milligan, and the famous words on his headstone, which I think probably work for dad…..Especially as we knew he wasn’t in great health………..So as Spike……..AND……I’m sure dad would now tell us,
I told you was ill.
We love you Dad…………Bye.
STOPJABBAINGON 